So here we are. For  those who are new to this blog, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in February of this year. Holy hell. She has been writing this blog in an effort to keep all those that she loves current on her status, and as a diary/ journal for Bridget, my dad and myself. It’s a way for her to process this very real, very sudden diagnosis that she has been handed. 13 years ago, when I was in 8th grade, my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. She lost all of her hair, was painfully thin, tired, anemic, — sick. I resented her at the time for this. I remember after she was in remission, I told her  that I blamed her for all of the difficulties I experienced at that age. WTF was wrong with me?? Now I am able to reflect back  and realize how foolish, yet how real and scary that was for me. Now, I am a 25-year-old RN with a mother with a terminal illness and a crap prognosis. I am scared to death. This time however, my anger  is not directed at my mother, but at the disease. She has done everything she possibly could to remain healthy. Unfortunately for my mom and us, the pink robots came back. “She knows that it’d be tragic if those evil robots win.”  My mom doesn’t look like the frail, sickly woman she did when I was younger. She looks like my mom, acts like my mom, and gives me shit, just like my mom. I’m still able to share a glass of wine with her and bitch about my life, share with her my joys, and genuinely just be in the moment and be her daughter. Do I think about the inevitable?  Of course, who doesn’t? But do I let it swallow me whole while living the last years I have with my mother? Never. She is more to me than anyone can even imagine. I am so grateful to be hers. So for all those who love my mom and support her, keep by her. She will be there for you when you need it most. So cheers to us all for knowing a genuine hero. We are more than blessed just to have met her, let alone become part of her. This is my song for my mom. I love you more than you will ever really know.

 Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots—The Flaming Lips
This one is just from me 😉
Kelsey
Advertisements

Written by barbigelow

Wife, mother, school psychologist, cat lover

7 comments

  1. Kelsey, you darling girl! I am so blessed to know you, and to know that my baby brother and your wonderful mom created you. I remember how hard it was for you to be created, maintained in the womb, and born. It was so worth every shot your dad had to give your mom to keep her pregnant.
    Thank you for being a loving, brave and funny daughter. We are hoping to see you in August for some fun in the sun!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautifully written Kelsey. We are all so lucky to know your mom! You have a great perspective – live in the present and make all the memories you can. Barb, I hope all of us who love you can make whatever time you have with us as meaningful and joyful as your presence in our lives has been. Much love to all the Bigelows!
    Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What beautiful words of love from your daugthers, Barbara. I’m a breast cancer survisor of 14 years having had chemo & radition. My yearly mamogram at Dana Faber is this Thursday, June 18th. And as always at this time of year my mind turns to cancer.

    Interestingly, I attended the International Herb Symposium, In Massachusetts this past weekend and heard a wonderful scientist present the latest research on adjuntive treatments added to standard chemo and radation for breast cancer. This study so far has demonstrated positive/promising results for breast cancer patients who, along with their regular treatment, ingest the extract of certain mushrooms. The scientific names for these mushrooms are coriolus versicolor and trametes versiolor — layman’s name is Turkey Tail mushrooms. Apparently, there are multiple academic studies in Japan on the efficacy of mushrooms in the treatment of cancer. Currently, The National Insitute of Health has funded a $2 million dollar, 7 yr study by a team from U of Minnisota and Bastry Univerity testing the efficacy of mushrooms in the sucessful treatment of breast cancer.

    Myself, I am leary of non scientfic, “natural” remedies for health problems of any kind and know there are many “snake oil salesmen” and/or well intended, yet guilable, folks who mean well but are misinformed. I’m not running after a special “cure” because of my mounting anxiety re: my upcoming Dana Faber visit.– but perhaps that is unconsciouly my motiviation?. Science and western medicine are my go to treatments for health problems.

    That said, I also don’t want to be ignorant/arrogant and dismiss out of hand Eastern Medical research which is now being replicated in the US. I am planning on reading the current medical studies and keeping an a guarded yet open mind to new possibilities.

    Finally, please know that my intention in this long winded blog is to share something that is perhaps helpful. In no way am I endorsing or trying to push anything and I truly hope that you are not offended by my sending this info along.

    Much peace, good health and love are certainly coming your way from so many people who care about you and your family, including me.

    Best,

    Laura

    Like

  4. I hate it when someone gets me teary eyed. But kels this was besutiful to read. It was interesting to read how you reacted before as a child and now of course the perspective is different. Im close with my mother so im right there with you. I love your realness about the situation and that you accept it for what it is. And yes all the anger goes towards this disease…its not fair…i hate it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you so much for being honest about your feelings as a teen. My son had a similar reaction to when I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer 3 years ago. It helps to know we all go through the similar reactions when the word “cancer” enters the picture. Your Mom is an amazing woman and I wish you and your family all the best.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s