Hey Now, Hey Now, Don’t Dream It’s Over

I don’t know what to say. This week the media is full of a video that a woman in Texas made about metastatic breast cancer (MBC). I guess this is news to some people—that it is incurable, fatal, final, the end. Still…despite a 26 month life expectancy, Dr. Rachel has renewed my hope that there is a space between my present and my future–time to breathe, catch up, get organized. Despite only 7% of money raised for breast cancer research being spent on MBC and no change in the MBC stats in 20 years, I still don’t think it’s over. For me. The average woman with MBC will go through 10 to 12 different treatment protocols before death–I am only on my first one! And, now that I am well into my 3rd cycle of chemo, I feel pretty good. Actually I feel more like myself than I have since February. I’ll take it! I do not plan on going anywhere without a battle and I am determined to drag myself through the door to my future for Kelsey, Bridget and Tim and all the people who have meant so much to me and been so important to my well-being (she says as tears drip onto the keyboard). You know who you are.

Onward after that bummer rumination…I have managed to stay out of cancer house and the lab for a solid 2 weeks! This morning Bridget signed on to take me to my Pet Scan on June 30th and have lunch with me until she has to go to work and Tim arrives for the preliminary results. Scan, treat, repeat–I feel like a washing machine. Will it be a big day? Yes, but I believe in Dr. Rachel and the chemotherapy drugs and mostly, I believe in me.

Bill and Carla were going to come for a cook out on the deck tonight but she has a sore throat and cold–things I can’t handle. Jenny and Brian were going to have dinner with us instead but Jenny has a cough that did not respond to antibiotics and is apparently viral. Nope, can’t do it. But I am noticing that, at the moment, my friends seem a lot sicker than me! My next observation–people say one of two things to me–“you look great”, said with amazement–I guess I should be pasty, bald and anemic–that would be more reassuring. The other comment I get a lot is that I look tired. People, I work full-time with adolescents!! Come Fridays around here I am pretty tired. You’d be exhausted too if you heard their stories of heart-break and loss, anger and sadness. I am in favor of an 8 day week with 2 Saturdays. Just sayin.

Liz B has talked me into downloading the app Snapchat. She sends me hilarious snap chats of her and Jeff in DC, cracks me up every time.

I feel great today, the weather is perfect, Blanket Tim is puttering around, fixing things, mumbling to himself. Tomorrow we go to South Boston to meet up with the coconuts and have dinner, life is good. We are all blessed and the tender mercies are present and surround me everywhere.

Don’t Dream It’s Over–Crowded House

Love, Barbara