I Love You

Dear YOU,

Yes, you! You know who you are. Yes, I mean YOU! You are the person who stayed after school on your own time ( or came in from home) and waited around patiently to video tape a lip synch of you and all of our friends singing and dancing to “Happy” because you knew I received “not great” scan results and you wanted to cheer me up. You spent time brainstorming ideas and gathering props and making emoji’s because you knew it would help me.  You spent lots of time editing and cropping and producing the video on your own time. You didn’t have to but you wanted to. You left me wordless and tearful. Seeing my boss clowning around only made me that much happier. Seeing how seriously you all took it slayed me. Bat shit craziness is alive and well amongst my nutty co-workers. We can get through this together–this much I know.

You are the person who took the time, a lot of time, to cull all of my songs out of The Cancer Chronicles and burn them onto CDs with my logo and song list. That took super effort and time. You are so creative and generous and kind. We can get through this together.

You are the person who sent photos and took time to write me a personal letter (on a deadline) to let me know what you thought about this crazy life I am living and how you feel about me. You gave me the incredible gift of a book full of memories and photos and words and love. You didn’t have to, but boy, you sure did. I have never heard so many nice things about myself and my coconuts and about how you think I am a bad ass. I love that. We can do this together. I know you are going to help me. I know you have helped me.

You are the person who arranged to have flowers delivered to me every week and you are the person who brings them to me because you know I value beauty in nature above all. And roses.

You are the person who decided to organize a pink party for me after school so I would  know I am not in this alone. You bought my Metavivor tee-shirt and wore it to show me solidarity and that you understood what MBC was. You are the person who threw a bake sale because you wanted to donate to Metavivor. You are the person who gave of your time and amazing talent to create a fund-raiser for the Metastatic Breast Cancer Network. You didn’t have to. You just did it. You are the person who threw a Pep rally in my honor at the high school so we could spread the information about MBC to the kids and to show me I am not alone and I have been heard.  We will do this together.

 

 

 

 

You are the person who sent me an e-mail, a card, a Mass card, snail mail, an instant message, a text— to let me know you care about me and you are out there keeping a candle lit for me so it won’t be so lonely and dark at 3:00 AM when I am awake with the cats and thinking about all of this and how the heck I got here.

You are the person who keeps calling me and inviting me to stuff–dinner, a party, a gala, a fund raiser, drinks, a football game, a beach day, sailing, hiking, silliness–it is what makes a happy life for me. Yes, I have happiness despite the bad stuff. We will all get through this together.

 

Honestly, I never expected anything so huge or momentous to happen to me. But it fucking did. And you have been there all along, by my side and lifting me up when I couldn’t.  I could not, would not, do this without you. I love you. This is my love letter to you. Thank you is not enough.

Love shows up. You have shown up.

Barbara