Well this is not the post I thought I would be writing today. I expected to talk a lot about baby Jack and the change of seasons. Alas, life had other plans…..this past week I was diagnosed with a new, primary cancer—-lung cancer. Yup, you can read that sentence again, take a breath even. I have what appears to be early stage lung cancer. I’m sure your first question is “don’t you mean metastatic breast cancer, a new met in your lung?” Nope. I have had a nodule noted on several pet scans over the past 4 years. I was referred to the Chief of Thoracic Surgery back in February of this year. I met with him, we chatted, he agreed to monitor me with a follow up CT in six months. I wasn’t worried, I felt Doc Rachel was just being thorough. In July I had a pet scan, again it was mentioned as suspicious. This week I had the follow up CT and met with the Chief. Without any fanfare he let me know that the nodule has slowly grown over this past year and does not look like a breast met. He is VERY confident it is early stage lung cancer that needs to come out NOW— zero bedside manner. I guess he has seen thousands of these and I don’t really question him but the pathology will be the definitive diagnosis. So…..surgery is next Thursday. I am having a VATS procedure–video assisted thoracic surgery and will be in patient for 3 days because I will wake up with a chest tube to keep my lung inflated. I can hardly wait. A wedge will be resected from my right lung.
Now before we get all excited: what I need is love, support and understanding. If you want to comment on that please have at it, I read everything. What I do NOT need is medical advice, recommendations, or opinions. This is hard enough on me and Tim and the kids. Questioning me undermines my confidence which I will need a lot of come next week. I am very resistant to being in the hospital after my last one month stay there that was traumatic and awful. I keep reminding myself that this time I won’t be waking up and immobile, unable to walk or swallow or change the TV remote. It will be different and scary and hard but I have to do it.
Two days after my diagnosis, little coconut asked “does this mean we have to raise money for lung cancer now?……..um, too soon?”
Now, lets move on to better things. As most of you know by now, my grandson was born on August 21st and he is 7 weeks old today. I have chosen to post a picture of him everyday on FB until the election. Why you ask? I do not have a single photograph of myself with any of my grandparents despite being close to my Irish maternal Grammy who died when I was 11 years old. I have even visited her childhood home in Ireland to get a photo of me in it. So that being said, I wanted to have a stash of daily photos of me and Jack during this time given my precarious health. So I figure you all have seen plenty of him (and yes, he is perfect.)
What I wanted to talk about was my son-in-love, Evan. He is a true badass and I wouldn’t want to get in a bar fight with him. He is extremely protective, for many reasons, of the people he loves including me. It has been wonderful to watch him so gracefully embrace and step into fatherhood. We jokingly call him the Tiger Dad, but man, does he adore baby Jack. It is such an exciting time in their lives and I knew head coconut would be great but Evan has amazed me in his passion and love for baby Jack. So my song this week is dedicated to him and all the new dads out there who are making this mindboggling adjustment to fatherhood. There is nothing better than a great Dad. We need them especially now. Be one. Be well.
Love from the circus,